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Showing posts with label sexually fluid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexually fluid. Show all posts
Thursday, 13 August 2020
Sunday, 12 July 2020
Nerd Church - If I Had £1million...
Plus, not having to worry about how you're gonna pay for stuff is guaranteed
to help your mood. #JustSaying.
So, though I doubt it'll ever happen, I felt like doing some
day-dreaming of what I would do if I had £1million.
I picked £1million pretty arbitrarily - mainly 'cos it's a nice round
milestone number, and because it's a lot of money, but not so
much that you wouldn't have to think about what you were gonna do with it.
Sunday, 5 January 2020
Nerd Church - My New Year's Resolution
***All Amazon.com links in this post are commission links. This means I earn commission from purchases made in the US***
Please do not use my links to make UK purchases.
Hey dearest nerdlets! I hope that 2020 is treating you well so far!
(...or at least hasn't been too sh** already. ...I'm pragmatic.)
Update, 2021 - this statement did not age well
So, I figured I'd talk a little about my New Year's Resolutions...
...Well. Sort of.
See, to me, NY resolutions have always been a little *waves hands* ...vague.
Like, I don't even know what I'm doing next week, let alone committing 12 months to something, y'know?
So, they're more like an idea. Maybe a goal, or an intention, or whatever.
So, I figured I'd talk a little about my New Year's Resolutions...
...Well. Sort of.
See, to me, NY resolutions have always been a little *waves hands* ...vague.
Like, I don't even know what I'm doing next week, let alone committing 12 months to something, y'know?
So, they're more like an idea. Maybe a goal, or an intention, or whatever.
Thursday, 5 September 2019
Comics Wrap-Up - And Just Don't Tell The World That You're... Sh!
It's Thursday. And not all heroes wear capes. (Comics still rock though.)
Sunday, 26 August 2018
Nerd Church - The Slow Process of Learning To Stop Straight-Passing
It's been about two years since I came out as Sexually Fluid.
And I'm so much happier in myself.
The process of letting myself 'act Queer,' though?
That's still very much on-going.
So since it's my coming out anniversary, and also Pride Cymru weekend - and I'm Welsh and Queer - I figured I'd talk about it a li'l bit.
Wednesday, 25 April 2018
Really Mini-Reviews! - Riot Days by Maria Alyokhina and Not My Father's Son by Alan Cumming
I don't read many memoirs.
When I do, they've got be that little bit unusual. That little bit extraordinary.
Friday, 16 March 2018
Friday Fics Fix - King Arthur. Sexually Fluid Fluff-Master.
OMG I love this fic!!!! Like, dudes, can I climb into this fic and live there?!
(Yeah, I'm really tired so I apologise for the possible randomness of this post!
I'm at that stage where I *really* have no idea what I'm talking about.
That stage comes *after* the 'talking like a 19th Century novel' phase, and *before* the 'fell asleep while standing up' phase.
Usually, anyway. Sometimes there's another 19th Century phase in there somewhere. OK, I need a nap, clearly.)
(Although, it's entirely possible that you won't notice the difference to how I am normally. #TrueStory.)
(Yeah, I'm really tired so I apologise for the possible randomness of this post!
I'm at that stage where I *really* have no idea what I'm talking about.
That stage comes *after* the 'talking like a 19th Century novel' phase, and *before* the 'fell asleep while standing up' phase.
Usually, anyway. Sometimes there's another 19th Century phase in there somewhere. OK, I need a nap, clearly.)
(Although, it's entirely possible that you won't notice the difference to how I am normally. #TrueStory.)
Wednesday, 17 January 2018
2017's Top 4 Books (...In The Opinion of Yours Truly)
2017 can't be well and truly dusted off and put back on the shelf* without some input from your favourite Bookish Rebel (moi, ofc,) on the bestest books of the year.
*Ha, shelf? Books? Hehe! XD
This is TOTALLY MY OPINION ONLY.
Obviously, I can only pick from books I've read. And within that only books published in 2017.
Even given those rules, there's a bunch of books that I've read that I didn't include - THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T LIKE THEM!!!!
This is basically a snapshot of the stand-outs. There were loooooads of other books I could've included - promise!
(My Anxiety kicks in when I think I might be leaving someone/something out that deserves recognition - does it show?!)
(My Anxiety kicks in when I think I might be leaving someone/something out that deserves recognition - does it show?!)
*Ha, shelf? Books? Hehe! XD
Thursday, 5 October 2017
Release Day Review!!! - Mirror Mirror by Cara Delevingne and Rowan Coleman
Title: Mirror Mirror
Author:
Cara Delevingne and Rowan Coleman
Genre:
Young Adult/New Adult (YA with crossover appeal,) contemporary, crime*, LGBTQ+(and gender questioning)(F/F)
*ish
*ish
Release
Date: 5th October
Sunday, 17 September 2017
Nerd Church - A Letter To My Younger Self
(Warning: this post contains references to suicidal thoughts and feelings, as well as brief references to grief, depression, abusive/toxic friendships, and the general randomness of my life.)
I'd been thinking of doing one of these things for a while - y'know the 'Hi little 15-year-old Cee, this is the advice I'd give you!' kind of things.
Then, between my birthday on Friday (no, I'm not telling you how old I am - it ain't happening,) and reading blogpost ideas by Jemma @ Dorkface, which suggested writing a letter to your younger self, I was like - IT'S A SIGN!!!!!!!!!*
*Yes, there was coffee. Also, my parents are hippies.
Thursday, 17 August 2017
Comics Wrap-Up - Miss Atomic Bomb
Film Trailers and Films
I'm actually gonna give you some slightly older trailers for two based-on-comics films I've seen over the past two weeks*
*Yes, two films in two weeks. I bought a year cinema pass, so I literally go there every week; after the first 20 films, it's paid for itself.
And I've seen like 24 or 25 now. If you're a movie fan, maybe look at similar deals where you are? #BudgetTipsWithCee - lol! ;)
Wednesday, 5 July 2017
Month in Review(s) - June 2017
June was too damned hot here in the UK.
It regularly reached over 28C, & often over 30C. I officially melt at around 23.5C, so I was NOT happy.
Sunday, 2 July 2017
Nerd Church - I Know You Mean Well...
Warning: this post
contains discussions of homophobia and f**k-ups by well-meaning
allocishet people.
Pride month may have
come to an end, but those of us who are LGBTQ+ are LGBTQ+ all year
round.
(And pride season
pretty much continues all summer anyhow - due to scheduling issues.)
Something I’ve
noticed since I came out last year is well-meaning allocishet* people
put their ever-loving feet in it on a pretty regular basis.
This isn’t out of malice – it’s more like a failure to listen and understand.
This isn’t out of malice – it’s more like a failure to listen and understand.
*Allocishet =
allosexual, cisgendered, heterosexual. Basically, non-LGBTQ+.
Allosexual means
feels sexual attraction (i.e. not asexual or asexual-spectrum,)
cisgendered means identifies as your birth gender, heterosexual is
only attracted to the opposite sex.
So the term
allocishet refers to people who aren’t in any way covered by the
umbrella of queer or LGBTQ+.
Wednesday, 28 June 2017
Review! - Something Beautiful by Amanda Gernentz Hanson
Title:
Something Beautiful
Author:
Amanda Gernentz Hanson
Genre:
New Adult, Contemporary*, Romance* (M/F; M/M,) (*ish,) LGBTQ+ (and
sexually fluid)
Release
Date: 27th June 2017
Tuesday, 28 March 2017
Hate Against Sexually Fluid People - Examples
(Warning: this post contains hate comments against sexually fluid people, biphobia, insults, and swearing.)
I'm tired of reading things about sexually fluid celebrities and finding hate comments, or coming across hate stuff on Twitter.
I'm tired of reading things about sexually fluid celebrities and finding hate comments, or coming across hate stuff on Twitter.
So I thought I'd give you just a little taste of some of the stuff that's said out there in interweb land about sexually fluid people.
Monday, 27 February 2017
Review Time! - Outsider by Olivia Cunning
Title: Outsider
Author:
Olivia Cunning
Genre: Romance (M/M/F; M/F; M/M,) LGBTQ+ (and polyamorous,) Contemporary
Genre: Romance (M/M/F; M/F; M/M,) LGBTQ+ (and polyamorous,) Contemporary
Series: Exodus End (#2)
A
few starting notes:
I
received a free digital review copy of this book via NetGalley.
NetGalley provides review copies from publishers in exchange for fair
and honest reviews.
This book is #2 in a series, but they're more companion novels - focussing on different characters - rather than one continuous story.
Plus, even the publishers say that it can be read as standalone (so it's not just me this time!)
This book is 18+ only, on account of the amount of graphic sexy-times.
Huge thanks to Naz @ Read Diverse Books for taking the time to discuss queer and Latinx rep with me - any mistakes are 100% mine.
If any Latinx, queer male, and/or polyamorous reviewers have reviewed this title, let me know - I would love to link to your review.
If any Latinx, queer male, and/or polyamorous reviewers have reviewed this title, let me know - I would love to link to your review.
This was a difficult one to review (which is why I keep procrastinating!) because there's so much the author got right, but also so much she got wrong, and I have to somehow explain all that!
So let's give this a shot!
Premise:
Meet Reagan, the new guitarist with Exodus End. She's kind of feeling like an imposter right now - after all, Exodus End are rock legends.
She's also trying to keep the fact that she's dating both Ethan and Trey, together, as a unit, a secret.
Meet Trey, guitarist with Sinners. Though he's Reagan's public boyfriend, he'd prefer things between him and Ethan to be public too.
Meet Ethan - Reagan's body-guard.
Ethan's still in the closet, so admitting he's in a relationship with both Reagan and Trey is out of the question.
But with the tabloids around, and the music business to navigate, things are not going to be plain sailing!
She's also trying to keep the fact that she's dating both Ethan and Trey, together, as a unit, a secret.
Meet Trey, guitarist with Sinners. Though he's Reagan's public boyfriend, he'd prefer things between him and Ethan to be public too.
Meet Ethan - Reagan's body-guard.
Ethan's still in the closet, so admitting he's in a relationship with both Reagan and Trey is out of the question.
But with the tabloids around, and the music business to navigate, things are not going to be plain sailing!
Best
bits:
Trey is a beautiful character - he's such a darling, and Cunning writes him with real affection and a real understanding of his feelings and his vulnerabilities.
Basically, if I had to pick the best aspect of this book, Trey would be it. He's amazing.
I also loved the way the romance wasn't the only thing going on here - each of our trio has their own life, their own hopes, their own personality. They're complete people, not just defined by their relationship.
I liked that we get scenes from each of the characters' points-of-view (POVs,) without the other main characters present, and that we get an understanding of their relationships with family members, friends, etc.
Can we also point out that polyamory is portrayed as a viable and healthy relationship (albeit not perfect)? I think we can. Guys, that's just awesome.
And the relationship itself is not 2-dimensional. People say the wrong thing, they mess up, but they also make things better, comfort each other, make each other laugh etc.
Basically, if I had to pick the best aspect of this book, Trey would be it. He's amazing.
I also loved the way the romance wasn't the only thing going on here - each of our trio has their own life, their own hopes, their own personality. They're complete people, not just defined by their relationship.
I liked that we get scenes from each of the characters' points-of-view (POVs,) without the other main characters present, and that we get an understanding of their relationships with family members, friends, etc.
Can we also point out that polyamory is portrayed as a viable and healthy relationship (albeit not perfect)? I think we can. Guys, that's just awesome.
And the relationship itself is not 2-dimensional. People say the wrong thing, they mess up, but they also make things better, comfort each other, make each other laugh etc.
Of course, the rock music was one of the draws of this book to me - obviously, you can't hear it, but the whole rock-star deal gave this book a centre and a vibe that was pretty cool.
Cunning also explores the issues of being in the public eye, and the problems with being a woman in what is still predominantly a male industry.
People think you got where you are because of sex, because of your looks, etc. - not because of your talent.
Reagan's frustration at the sexist press, fans, and the band management who want to turn her into a sex symbol, is more than justified.
She knows she's good enough to be there. But everyone else seems determined to undermine her achievements.
'She knows she's good enough to be there...' Click to Tweet
Not so great bits:
The potentially distressing content in this book is:
- homophobia
- homophobic slurs
- biphobia
- bigotry against polyamory
- sexism
- sexist insults
- grief
- parental rejection/abandonment
- press harassment
- libel
- being closeted
- coming out
- being outed
- past emotional abuse (sexual-related)
- jealousy/overprotectiveness
- rough sex
- one brief but graphic instance of gore
- references to gangs
- references to past stalking and physical assault
I think that's everything - sorry if I missed anything.
There's also a lot of swearing, and a lot of graphic sex, often involving three people. And there's some references to BDSM.
OK, there were some issues with the representation of various themes/groups of people in this book, so I'm gonna try and break it down for you the best I can, and as efficiently and clearly as I can.
Spoilers are marked in square brackets [] - and written in white.
Relationship issues:
[Trey] recounts a tale of emotional abuse with a very sexual element when he has a relationship with [Brian.]
Despite that, he's still friends with [Brian] and sees him in a generally positive light.
Look, this emotional abuse involved (this is potentially triggering as well as spoilerific) [turning him around, refusing to look at his face, and telling him to be a girl during sex.]
From where I'm stood, that's messed up.
The way Ethan acts towards Trey can also be very possessive and jealous - I didn't find it over-the-line, but it wouldn't surprise me if others did.
Latinx (Mexican-American) representation:
(Ethan is Mexican-American, and both Trey and Reagan are white.)
- Negative trope of the homophobic and unaccepting Latinx family - something which gives the impression that all Latinx people are somehow homophobic, and really shouldn't have been tackled by a non-own-voices author.
- Ethan fears that his Latino brothers will beat up and harm his precious white boyfriend - I can't be the only one to see a problem there.
- Strange references to being in a Mariachi band as something shaming to the family, and the family's heritage. This seems inaccurate as Mariachi players take pride in their music, and the music is part of Mexican culture.
- Ethan has a different last name to the rest of his family. In context, this serves as a distancing of Ethan - who has a more Anglicised name - from the rest of his family, and makes that part of his life and heritage seem more 'Other.'
Polyamorous representation:
My main problem with this aspect was that, even though I know this is an'erotic romance,' the polyamorous people here are written as being heavy on the sexy times, and 'not satisfied' by only one partner.
While of course polyamorous people can have high sex drives, so can monogamous people.
The linking of libido with polyamory gives the wrong impression about polyamory as a whole.
And the repeated portrayal of sex-hungry polyamory in media can lead to some very persistent stereotyping.
Queer/LGBTQ+ representation:
- Ethan takes more offense to the word queer than the word perversion. While I get that queer was being used as a slur in this context... are we just supposed to let the perversion comment slide...?
- Being gay or bisexual is described as a lifestyle more than once. As I've said before, I don't like this, but it's a personal thing.
- The author gave the impression of confusion between the terms gay and bisexual (more in the 'sexual fluidity representation' section.)
Sexual fluidity representation:
If Reagan is the only girl Ethan has ever been attracted to, then fine, but you've really got to know what you're doing when you write that. And Cunning doesn't seem to.
I like that Ethan is questioning, rather than just going, 'ok, I'm bi now!' but in places, Cunning doesn't really seem to understand that there's a difference between the term gay and the term bisexual.
If that's supposed to be because Ethan is questioning, then say that. Don't just casually put gay in when he's in a relationship with a man and a woman.
(And yes, I know it can be an umbrella term, but since Ethan previously identified as gay, it might be an idea to be clearer about these things.)
It gives the impression of Ethan's sexuality changing simply for the purpose of the plot, and so that Cunning can write three-way sex-scenes, rather than because she supports fluidity or homoflexibility/being gay-fluid.
That's disappointing.
Verdict:
There need to be more polyamorous romances. And I'm glad that this presents a largely positive view of polyamory.
It's an enjoyable book, but there are a lot of problems with it.
These are problems that can't be ignored, and should be learned from.
It's an enjoyable book, but there are a lot of problems with it.
These are problems that can't be ignored, and should be learned from.
'There need to be more polyamorous romances...' Click to Tweet
Liked
this post? Try these:
Wednesday, 25 January 2017
Conversations - On Reading Multiple Books
Conversations is a meme from Geraldine @ Corralling Books and Joan @ Fiddler Blue.
This meme is centred on the weekend, but yours truly is a Bookish Rebel who does what she wants, so I'm putting my post up on Wednesday.
(Wednesday is the new weekend, dearest nerdlets.)
Ha, I had to pitch in on this one!
I read soooooooo many books at a time!
Why? Well a variety of reasons:
So what about you guys? Are you a single-book kind of reader, or a 'I read what I like, when I like,' kind of soul?
This meme is centred on the weekend, but yours truly is a Bookish Rebel who does what she wants, so I'm putting my post up on Wednesday.
(Wednesday is the new weekend, dearest nerdlets.)
This week's topic/question thingummy is:
Do you prefer to read a single book at a time, or multiple books at a time? Why?
Ha, I had to pitch in on this one!
I read soooooooo many books at a time!
Why? Well a variety of reasons:
- convenience/laziness (sometimes the book I would be reading is all the way downstairs! lol)
- genre-hopping
- short attention span
- a complete lack of patience and self-control (come on... who hasn't had that new and longed for book just call their name?!)
- an ever-expanding to be read (TBR) list which needs to be cut down on BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY
- depression
Wait... did she say depression?
Yes my nerdlets, I did. As I've mentioned before, what I'm reading affects my mood.
So in order to stay somewhat OK when living with depression and using reading as the lifeboat that it is, I have to pay attention to the way my mood is sailing.
Sometimes, what I'm reading brings me down.
And not like the 'ohmygodthefeels!' kind of down. I mean like depression-down. Which is awful.
It doesn't even always have to be a sad book. Sometimes chick lit and romances bring me down because I think I won't ever be that happy - and that's a worrying place to be in.
It doesn't even always have to be a sad book. Sometimes chick lit and romances bring me down because I think I won't ever be that happy - and that's a worrying place to be in.
So then I change what I'm reading. It doesn't mean I'm giving up on the book, it just means that I need to read something else for a little bit, and I'll go back to the other book when I'm ready.
Sometimes it's more a question of what I need at that time, rather than avoiding what I don't.
Self-care isn't just for the bad times (and not just for those with mental health problems - everyone has mental health, just like everyone has physical health, so everyone can take care of it.)
Sometimes you want self-indulgence - maybe a favourite genre, or a favourite author.
Sometimes you just don't feel like reading the 500+ page book with the dense prose. Sometimes you want a lighter read - romance, chick lit, some poetry, whatever.
And then sometimes you do want to get your teeth into the long prize-winning tome that you've been eyeing up.
In short, for me at least, it's all about what I feel like reading at the time.
I might literally read one book for ten minutes, and then switch to another for a chapter or two.
It's kind of just the way I deal with things *shrugs* we all need some breathing room every now and then - it's just this way, I get to keep reading! Lol.
And of course, I'll often read romances according to what my sexuality is that day ;)
If I'm not attracted to dudes that day, steamy m/f romances aren't going to hold as much appeal.
That's not to say that I never read m/f romances when I'm not attracted to men, but I tend to want more storyline, more character development etc.
If a book is all sex scenes, at a time when I'm not attracted to anyone, for example - because I do have asexual days or periods of time - then I'm really not going to appreciate it *shrugs* simple as that.
Sometimes it's more a question of what I need at that time, rather than avoiding what I don't.
Self-care isn't just for the bad times (and not just for those with mental health problems - everyone has mental health, just like everyone has physical health, so everyone can take care of it.)
Sometimes you want self-indulgence - maybe a favourite genre, or a favourite author.
Sometimes you just don't feel like reading the 500+ page book with the dense prose. Sometimes you want a lighter read - romance, chick lit, some poetry, whatever.
And then sometimes you do want to get your teeth into the long prize-winning tome that you've been eyeing up.
In short, for me at least, it's all about what I feel like reading at the time.
I might literally read one book for ten minutes, and then switch to another for a chapter or two.
It's kind of just the way I deal with things *shrugs* we all need some breathing room every now and then - it's just this way, I get to keep reading! Lol.
And of course, I'll often read romances according to what my sexuality is that day ;)
If I'm not attracted to dudes that day, steamy m/f romances aren't going to hold as much appeal.
That's not to say that I never read m/f romances when I'm not attracted to men, but I tend to want more storyline, more character development etc.
If a book is all sex scenes, at a time when I'm not attracted to anyone, for example - because I do have asexual days or periods of time - then I'm really not going to appreciate it *shrugs* simple as that.
So what about you guys? Are you a single-book kind of reader, or a 'I read what I like, when I like,' kind of soul?
Like this post? Try these:
- Conversations - Book Series: Yay or Nay?
- Conversations - Lending Out Books
- Conversations - Is 15 Years Old Too Young To Be Reading 50 Shades of Grey?
Tuesday, 22 November 2016
A Different State of Being - Diary of A Sexually Fluid Girl
(This is going to have so many terrible metaphors. I apologise in advance.)
OK, when I did my Twitter poll and asked you guys, basically, what the hell I can do to explain being sexually fluid to non-fluid people, you said day-to-day experience and FAQs were what you wanted.
FAQs I've done now. So I guess it's time to give day-to-day experience a shot ;)
Again a reminder that this is my experiences and opinions not anyone else's.
It's entirely possible that other sexually fluid people will think completely different things - and even that I'll think different things in the future. And remember, there's more than one type of sexual fluidity.
Also, I don't mind if you don't understand, as long as you're genuinely trying.
I'm no fool guys, I've guessed, after 20+ years on this planet, that most people don't understand the way that I feel.
If it's any consolation, sometimes I honestly don't know how you guys can have the same sexuality all the time - I mean, really, how do you cope? How does that work exactly? ;)
So I've been making a sort of diary over the last week, to try to demonstrate what being sexually fluid is like - every day. Honestly, I'm pretty normal - I promise! ;)
13th November
OK, do you want me to explain where my sexuality lies right now?
I do sometimes put a pin in it, so to speak, just so that I understand myself and where I am right now a little better - mental health problems teach you to sit down and think about what it is that you're feeling.
Self care and understanding you. V. important.
But I don't hold myself to it - it's more about understanding what I feel when I feel it, rather than forcing myself to conform to any particular label.
So how do I pinpoint where my sexuality is right now?
Well I take a bunch of celebs that I've been attracted to, and see if I'm attracted to them now. It's ridiculous, but if it helps to prove a point to you guys...
(For the purposes of... science... (yeah, you'll buy that, right?) I'll do a Google image search for the following people, but I usually just go through things mentally.)
Right now, am I physically attracted to Tom Hiddleston in shirtless pics?
Nope. Nothing.
Like, there's an appreciation that he's pretty, but I have the same feelings for a vase of flowers - and I'm certainly not sexually attracted to a bunch of roses. Because that would be mighty weird. #TrueStory.
Nope. That's a resounding 'meh.' Like, I know there are times when I look at these pictures and have to stop myself drooling but... nothing.
Holliday Grainger in her Lucrezia Borgia costume?
...definitely attracted to her. Definitely. She's... wow; and she rocks renaissance jewellery.
Scarlett Johansson wearing pretty much anything?
Yes. I'm entirely sure there needs to be a deal with the devil involved for someone to be that hot! *fans self*
So, right this moment, my curious little nerdlets, from a purely physical perspective, I'm attracted only to women, so, if you want to put a specific label on things - I'm a lesbian.
Tomorrow I'm going to try to explain what it's like when my sexuality changes.
14th November
Should we do a quick run-through? Why not, maybe it'll show you more than I can explain to you:
Tom Hiddleston (shirtless)? Oh... oh that's very nice ;) yep, definitely attracted to him.
Johnny Depp? Yum!
Holliday Grainger? Yes, still very nice ;)
Scarlett Johansson? My God, she's so hot! Seriously, how does that happen?! If her and Hiddles had a kid, the world would officially end with the hotness!
So today I'm bisexual (or possibly pan) by the looks of things.
I say 'by the looks of things,' because, honestly, I don't actually notice when things change.
I could think I'm having a het day, for example, and then I see a woman who is particularly lovely and prove myself wrong. (And yes, I think phrases like 'het day.' But I think that has more to do with me being a dork than anything else.)
It's not like there are set time-frames for when I will find certain people attractive - it is entirely open, and everything is possible until something else happens.
So it's not a case of me going 'Oh! It's 9 o'clock! Time to be a lesbian!' - it really doesn't work like that.
It's more of a Schrodinger's cat scenario - I am everything and nothing until called upon to testify. (I told you there would be lousy metaphors! Don't say I didn't warn you!)
And personality reigns over all.
It might sound like I'm trying to put being sexually fluid on a moralistic pedestal, but honestly (and guys, I hope you understand just how honest and frank I'm trying to be here,) personality matters more to me than gender.
If I'm attracted to you as a person - with an emotional connection and everything - then wherever I am on the spectrum at that moment goes entirely out the window the minute I see you.
Because it doesn't matter what's in your underwear (to put it bluntly) if I'm attracted to you on an emotional and intellectual level, then the physical stuff just... follows...
And oh man this is hard to explain! Argh!
Basically, my sexuality can be changed by other factors - e.g. being in love with you or having a romantic connection with you - but that doesn't mean it can be forcibly changed. It can't.
I can't decide who I'm going to find attractive. If I surround myself with naked pictures of dudes, I may very well still have an entirely lesbian day, week, whatever. It's not something controllable.
But my emotions are very closely linked to what my sexuality is at any given time... is that understandable? I don't know. Maybe I just screwed up explaining that, but I'm trying my best here.
OK, I'll be back tomorrow for more opportunities to fail to make myself understood.
15th November
Let's do another run-through, shall we? I honestly don't normally do this every day, but I'm trying to show what it's like - what I'm like.
Tom Hiddleston (shirtless)? Yeah, I'm finding him fairly attractive today.
Johnny Depp? Yep, quite attracted.
Holliday Grainger? *fans self* ...ahem... wow
Scarlett Johansson? *more fanning* Phew! I really... 😍 wow.
Even though I've been out to the people that matter for a few months now, I still self-censor myself (unintentionally) when it comes to day-to-day conversation. Old habits die hard I guess.
The last few weeks I've been more towards the bi/lesbian state of things - not all the time, but a lot. I haven't once mentioned, out loud, when I find a woman attractive. I'm working on that.
I guess I just find it hard to be casual about something when I've been determinedly not mentioning it almost my entire life.
16th November
Tom Hiddleston? phew... *fans self* *blushes* Definitely attracted to him right now!
Johnny Depp? Yum, yum, yum!
Holliday Grainger? Nope. I mean, she's beautiful. But so is jewellery. I'm not finding her physically attractive right now.
Scarlett Johansson? Again, that's a 'meh.' She's very beautiful. But I'm not attracted to her at the moment.
Huh, looks like a het day. (Seriously, I'm such a dork.)
Is this a helpful demonstration?
I figured this would be the best way to show you guys - on a simple basis, because I know I'm just using cisgender celebs here - the purely physical, no-emotions, side of things.
Like I mentioned before, in my experience, fluidity is vastly affected by emotion.
If I'm watching an interview, and I'm attracted to the actor and the actor's personality - not just what they look like - then there's a good chance I will find them physically attractive as well.
Like if I watched an interview with Scarlett Johansson right now, and she was really showing her personal side and was being funny, smart, witty, and a nice person, then I could very well find her physically attractive.
But just from a purely physical still-photograph, no personality or sense of who she is as a person, I'm not attracted to her right now.
Again, I totally understand if you're not getting this - it's not easy to explain to people who don't feel like this... but there you go.
Also, there's something I need to add: while I'm used to reading some butt-ugly comments on posts about sexually fluid celebs, I'm noticing more and more 'compliments' that really aren't compliments.
Seriously, some of this stuff is verging on fetishisation - things like 'my biggest turn on is a sexually fluid person because anything could happen,' 'I've got some fluid for him, if he wants it!' and 'he could be fluid with me any time!'
...I don't know whether other people realise it, but statements like that made in day-to-day conversation and/or about strangers? Kind of creepy. Kind of really creepy. So, y'know: STOP.
17th November
Tom Hiddleston? I'm a little attracted to him today... but only like a tiny bit.
Johnny Depp? Nope. Not today. Sorry Johnny.
Holliday Grainger? 😍 wow. WOW. Yep, attracted to her today.
Scarlett Johansson? 😳😍😍😍💖💖 *picks self up off the floor* NO ONE IS THAT HOT SHE HAS SIGNED A DEAL WITH SATAN! *ahem* I mean, yes, I'm finding her very attractive. ;)
OK, two things I want to talk about today:
First up conversion therapy (y'know, that horrendous thing that Mike Pence supports where they electrocute kids into being straight?) - if you use the fluidity of sexuality to excuse/argue for conversion therapy then I WILL FIND YOU.
While there are fluid people who disagree with the 'born this way' stance - I am not one of them. I firmly believe I was born to be changeable.
If that's too complex an idea for you, then that's not my problem butty.
The second thing is this: it's highly offensive to me to imply that if you dated a fluid person, you wouldn't be enough for them.
It implies we're greedy and/or promiscuous, which is the same cr*p bisexual people have been having to put up with for a long time.
If I feel strongly enough to call you out on the sh** you just said, then you have no business telling me to f**k off. #TrueStory.
18th November
Tom Hiddleston? Yeah, I'm finding him quite attractive rn
Johnny Depp? A little attracted to him today
Holliday Grainger? Phew! Yes. Yes I'm definitely finding her attractive atm.
Scarlett Johansson? *jaw drops open* She is extremely... wow. Yep, attracted to her!
Today is one of those days where I've seen so much sh** about being sexually fluid on the Internet, that I really don't have the strength to call it all out.
Needless to say, I'm not fluid because I'm a) a psychopath or b) in need of a butch woman because I can't find a 'manly' man (I mean... wtf?!)
And there's something that I really need to point out:
MEN can also be sexually fluid. It's not a girls only scenario, and I've seen so many statements saying that only women can be fluid that it's doing my head in.
On the plus side, I read this beautiful post from a black American lady who is sexually fluid - and I recommend you all do the same :)
19th November
Tom Hiddleston? Yes, veeeery nice!
Johnny Depp? Yep, attracted to him.
Holliday Grainger? *fans self* yes, attracted to her!
Scarlett Johansson? Oh yes!!! Def. attracted to her too! 😍
Yesterday, I had to unfollow people who unfollowed me, after I shared a link to a post by a sexually fluid black woman.
Yes, the same post I linked to in yesterday's section.
It really is interesting just how many people who act perfectly lovely unfollow me after I post certain things. #JustSaying 👀 💅
Still, I'm not going to let that stop me from attempting to explain the day-to-day-ness of being sexually fluid to you guys. I'm stubborn like that ;)
21st November
Yes, I missed a day - I forgot, ok? ;)
This is the last day of this weird little diary thingy, so let's do one last run-through:
Tom Hiddleston? Yep! Very attractive.
Johnny Depp? Yeah, I'm finding him quite attractive
Holliday Grainger? *Fans self* YEP!
Scarlett Johansson? Very much so!
So this is just me, over a period of a few days. There are sexually fluid people who's sexuality changes more often than mine, and sexually fluid people who's sexuality changes less often.
Again, I don't notice when it changes, I could change half-way through the day, and not know unless I noticed someone I wouldn't have noticed earlier.
It's all about just allowing me to be me - liking who I like, when I like them. I can be swayed by the things around me - but I can't be forced into liking someone.
It's about loving people who are beautiful as people - not just in appearance.
I can no more change being sexually fluid than you can change being whatever orientation you are.
I don't understand why some people seem to feel so threatened by the idea that I am changeable - that my heart has the final say in the matter, that I don't fit into one section neatly and tidily.
But that's ok. They're clearly dealing with some cr*p of their own. I'll just be here... being me.
Like this post? Try these:
OK, when I did my Twitter poll and asked you guys, basically, what the hell I can do to explain being sexually fluid to non-fluid people, you said day-to-day experience and FAQs were what you wanted.
FAQs I've done now. So I guess it's time to give day-to-day experience a shot ;)
Again a reminder that this is my experiences and opinions not anyone else's.
It's entirely possible that other sexually fluid people will think completely different things - and even that I'll think different things in the future. And remember, there's more than one type of sexual fluidity.
Also, I don't mind if you don't understand, as long as you're genuinely trying.
I'm no fool guys, I've guessed, after 20+ years on this planet, that most people don't understand the way that I feel.
If it's any consolation, sometimes I honestly don't know how you guys can have the same sexuality all the time - I mean, really, how do you cope? How does that work exactly? ;)
So I've been making a sort of diary over the last week, to try to demonstrate what being sexually fluid is like - every day. Honestly, I'm pretty normal - I promise! ;)
13th November
OK, do you want me to explain where my sexuality lies right now?
I do sometimes put a pin in it, so to speak, just so that I understand myself and where I am right now a little better - mental health problems teach you to sit down and think about what it is that you're feeling.
Self care and understanding you. V. important.
But I don't hold myself to it - it's more about understanding what I feel when I feel it, rather than forcing myself to conform to any particular label.
So how do I pinpoint where my sexuality is right now?
Well I take a bunch of celebs that I've been attracted to, and see if I'm attracted to them now. It's ridiculous, but if it helps to prove a point to you guys...
(For the purposes of... science... (yeah, you'll buy that, right?) I'll do a Google image search for the following people, but I usually just go through things mentally.)
Right now, am I physically attracted to Tom Hiddleston in shirtless pics?
Nope. Nothing.
Like, there's an appreciation that he's pretty, but I have the same feelings for a vase of flowers - and I'm certainly not sexually attracted to a bunch of roses. Because that would be mighty weird. #TrueStory.
Johnny Depp, also shirtless?
Nope. That's a resounding 'meh.' Like, I know there are times when I look at these pictures and have to stop myself drooling but... nothing.
Holliday Grainger in her Lucrezia Borgia costume?
...definitely attracted to her. Definitely. She's... wow; and she rocks renaissance jewellery.
Scarlett Johansson wearing pretty much anything?
Yes. I'm entirely sure there needs to be a deal with the devil involved for someone to be that hot! *fans self*
So, right this moment, my curious little nerdlets, from a purely physical perspective, I'm attracted only to women, so, if you want to put a specific label on things - I'm a lesbian.
Tomorrow I'm going to try to explain what it's like when my sexuality changes.
14th November
Should we do a quick run-through? Why not, maybe it'll show you more than I can explain to you:
Tom Hiddleston (shirtless)? Oh... oh that's very nice ;) yep, definitely attracted to him.
Holliday Grainger? Yes, still very nice ;)
Scarlett Johansson? My God, she's so hot! Seriously, how does that happen?! If her and Hiddles had a kid, the world would officially end with the hotness!
So today I'm bisexual (or possibly pan) by the looks of things.
I say 'by the looks of things,' because, honestly, I don't actually notice when things change.
I could think I'm having a het day, for example, and then I see a woman who is particularly lovely and prove myself wrong. (And yes, I think phrases like 'het day.' But I think that has more to do with me being a dork than anything else.)
It's not like there are set time-frames for when I will find certain people attractive - it is entirely open, and everything is possible until something else happens.
So it's not a case of me going 'Oh! It's 9 o'clock! Time to be a lesbian!' - it really doesn't work like that.
It's more of a Schrodinger's cat scenario - I am everything and nothing until called upon to testify. (I told you there would be lousy metaphors! Don't say I didn't warn you!)
And personality reigns over all.
It might sound like I'm trying to put being sexually fluid on a moralistic pedestal, but honestly (and guys, I hope you understand just how honest and frank I'm trying to be here,) personality matters more to me than gender.
If I'm attracted to you as a person - with an emotional connection and everything - then wherever I am on the spectrum at that moment goes entirely out the window the minute I see you.
Because it doesn't matter what's in your underwear (to put it bluntly) if I'm attracted to you on an emotional and intellectual level, then the physical stuff just... follows...
And oh man this is hard to explain! Argh!
Basically, my sexuality can be changed by other factors - e.g. being in love with you or having a romantic connection with you - but that doesn't mean it can be forcibly changed. It can't.
I can't decide who I'm going to find attractive. If I surround myself with naked pictures of dudes, I may very well still have an entirely lesbian day, week, whatever. It's not something controllable.
But my emotions are very closely linked to what my sexuality is at any given time... is that understandable? I don't know. Maybe I just screwed up explaining that, but I'm trying my best here.
OK, I'll be back tomorrow for more opportunities to fail to make myself understood.
15th November
Let's do another run-through, shall we? I honestly don't normally do this every day, but I'm trying to show what it's like - what I'm like.
Tom Hiddleston (shirtless)? Yeah, I'm finding him fairly attractive today.
Johnny Depp? Yep, quite attracted.
Holliday Grainger? *fans self* ...ahem... wow
Scarlett Johansson? *more fanning* Phew! I really... 😍 wow.
Even though I've been out to the people that matter for a few months now, I still self-censor myself (unintentionally) when it comes to day-to-day conversation. Old habits die hard I guess.
The last few weeks I've been more towards the bi/lesbian state of things - not all the time, but a lot. I haven't once mentioned, out loud, when I find a woman attractive. I'm working on that.
I guess I just find it hard to be casual about something when I've been determinedly not mentioning it almost my entire life.
16th November
Tom Hiddleston? phew... *fans self* *blushes* Definitely attracted to him right now!
Johnny Depp? Yum, yum, yum!
Holliday Grainger? Nope. I mean, she's beautiful. But so is jewellery. I'm not finding her physically attractive right now.
Scarlett Johansson? Again, that's a 'meh.' She's very beautiful. But I'm not attracted to her at the moment.
Huh, looks like a het day. (Seriously, I'm such a dork.)
Is this a helpful demonstration?
I figured this would be the best way to show you guys - on a simple basis, because I know I'm just using cisgender celebs here - the purely physical, no-emotions, side of things.
Like I mentioned before, in my experience, fluidity is vastly affected by emotion.
If I'm watching an interview, and I'm attracted to the actor and the actor's personality - not just what they look like - then there's a good chance I will find them physically attractive as well.
Like if I watched an interview with Scarlett Johansson right now, and she was really showing her personal side and was being funny, smart, witty, and a nice person, then I could very well find her physically attractive.
But just from a purely physical still-photograph, no personality or sense of who she is as a person, I'm not attracted to her right now.
Again, I totally understand if you're not getting this - it's not easy to explain to people who don't feel like this... but there you go.
Also, there's something I need to add: while I'm used to reading some butt-ugly comments on posts about sexually fluid celebs, I'm noticing more and more 'compliments' that really aren't compliments.
Seriously, some of this stuff is verging on fetishisation - things like 'my biggest turn on is a sexually fluid person because anything could happen,' 'I've got some fluid for him, if he wants it!' and 'he could be fluid with me any time!'
17th November
Tom Hiddleston? I'm a little attracted to him today... but only like a tiny bit.
Johnny Depp? Nope. Not today. Sorry Johnny.
Holliday Grainger? 😍 wow. WOW. Yep, attracted to her today.
Scarlett Johansson? 😳😍😍😍💖💖 *picks self up off the floor* NO ONE IS THAT HOT SHE HAS SIGNED A DEAL WITH SATAN! *ahem* I mean, yes, I'm finding her very attractive. ;)
OK, two things I want to talk about today:
First up conversion therapy (y'know, that horrendous thing that Mike Pence supports where they electrocute kids into being straight?) - if you use the fluidity of sexuality to excuse/argue for conversion therapy then I WILL FIND YOU.
While there are fluid people who disagree with the 'born this way' stance - I am not one of them. I firmly believe I was born to be changeable.
If that's too complex an idea for you, then that's not my problem butty.
The second thing is this: it's highly offensive to me to imply that if you dated a fluid person, you wouldn't be enough for them.
It implies we're greedy and/or promiscuous, which is the same cr*p bisexual people have been having to put up with for a long time.
If I feel strongly enough to call you out on the sh** you just said, then you have no business telling me to f**k off. #TrueStory.
18th November
Tom Hiddleston? Yeah, I'm finding him quite attractive rn
Johnny Depp? A little attracted to him today
Holliday Grainger? Phew! Yes. Yes I'm definitely finding her attractive atm.
Scarlett Johansson? *jaw drops open* She is extremely... wow. Yep, attracted to her!
Today is one of those days where I've seen so much sh** about being sexually fluid on the Internet, that I really don't have the strength to call it all out.
Needless to say, I'm not fluid because I'm a) a psychopath or b) in need of a butch woman because I can't find a 'manly' man (I mean... wtf?!)
And there's something that I really need to point out:
MEN can also be sexually fluid. It's not a girls only scenario, and I've seen so many statements saying that only women can be fluid that it's doing my head in.
On the plus side, I read this beautiful post from a black American lady who is sexually fluid - and I recommend you all do the same :)
19th November
Tom Hiddleston? Yes, veeeery nice!
Johnny Depp? Yep, attracted to him.
Holliday Grainger? *fans self* yes, attracted to her!
Scarlett Johansson? Oh yes!!! Def. attracted to her too! 😍
Yesterday, I had to unfollow people who unfollowed me, after I shared a link to a post by a sexually fluid black woman.
Yes, the same post I linked to in yesterday's section.
It really is interesting just how many people who act perfectly lovely unfollow me after I post certain things. #JustSaying 👀 💅
Still, I'm not going to let that stop me from attempting to explain the day-to-day-ness of being sexually fluid to you guys. I'm stubborn like that ;)
21st November
Yes, I missed a day - I forgot, ok? ;)
This is the last day of this weird little diary thingy, so let's do one last run-through:
Tom Hiddleston? Yep! Very attractive.
Johnny Depp? Yeah, I'm finding him quite attractive
Holliday Grainger? *Fans self* YEP!
Scarlett Johansson? Very much so!
So this is just me, over a period of a few days. There are sexually fluid people who's sexuality changes more often than mine, and sexually fluid people who's sexuality changes less often.
Again, I don't notice when it changes, I could change half-way through the day, and not know unless I noticed someone I wouldn't have noticed earlier.
It's all about just allowing me to be me - liking who I like, when I like them. I can be swayed by the things around me - but I can't be forced into liking someone.
It's about loving people who are beautiful as people - not just in appearance.
I can no more change being sexually fluid than you can change being whatever orientation you are.
I don't understand why some people seem to feel so threatened by the idea that I am changeable - that my heart has the final say in the matter, that I don't fit into one section neatly and tidily.
But that's ok. They're clearly dealing with some cr*p of their own. I'll just be here... being me.
Like this post? Try these:
- Fluid FAQs: 'What is Sexually Fluid?' And Other Things You Probably Wanna Know
- Nerd Church - Being Yourself and Other Extreme Sports
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