Warning: this post discusses mental health problems and symptoms
Disclaimer time: I am not any kind of medical, mental health, scientific, etc., professional - I'm a chick with a blog and some personal experience, m'k? M'k.
Are you ever watching a TV show or a movie, or reading a book, and just...
...have to...
...pause...?
Not because someone's trying to talk to you, or you have to do something else.
No interruptions.
Just you. Pausing.
Just because... because you need to pause?
I do it a lot.
I'll be reading or watching something, and I... just have to stop.
Like - halt! Peidiwch! Stopio! Give me a minute here, cos this is a lot! 😅
Like I need a minute or two... or even just a few seconds... to - process? I guess?
To think about what I'm seeing or reading or feeling.
Maybe not even consciously - just letting my brain sort through the stimulation of whatever media I'm in the middle of.
And I... kind of feel bad that this is a thing I do?
Like I know, objectively, that there's literally nothing wrong with taking a minute to pause. But I feel bad about it.
I don't know whether it's a mental-health-related thing, or just a society thing, but I feel guilty that I've taken time to mentally and/or emotionally process things, instead of just speeding through.
Is it about productivity? Do I see it as somehow a less-valuable use of my time?
Part of why I take these pauses in the first place is definitely mental-health related.
Depression/Anxiety means that sometimes I have the attention span of a distracted gnat, so if I feel myself drifting, I'll take a minute, do something else, and then come back to whatever I was watching or reading.
Which is frustrating as hell, because I expect myself to 'be able to handle' more focus and attention than that.
Sometimes, though, I was definitely concentrating.
I just...
need...
to stop.
I close the book, holding the page with my finger and just...
...stare...
into...
space.
Maybe I think about what I've read, take a deep breath if things in the plot were getting a bit intense, or maybe I just...
...stare at the cover for a little while.
Just a few moments.
And then go back to reading. Or decide to do something else.
That's not a 'bad' thing.
Even if I do feel this weird guilt.
We don't have to be doing things every second of every day.
We don't have to rush through the books we love, the TV shows we enjoy...
Sometimes
we can
Just.
Pause.
Do you pause when you're reading or watching stuff?
Do you have weird guilt when you're not doing 'productive' things?
Talk to me! 😅💬
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I wouldn't say I normally have to pause when watching or reading something, but I do love to dramatically throw my hands up in the air if something is shocking or annoying. Maybe that it is a pause? I'm very energetic when I read or watch something that resonates lol.
ReplyDeleteHa, not what I was getting at, but sounds like a lot of fun! Keep being amazing Em :D
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