I don’t half-a** things.
It’s not in my make-up. When I do something – work, writing, whatever – I put my everything into everything.
And that’s good. I like to think it shows in what I do.
...and that I need to, y’know, not work myself to exhaustion, I’ve been
trying to figure out what it means to put my all into things without all the
negatives.
And I’ve realised something – I can do the minimum (or, at least, not the maximum,) without half-a**ing it.
See, where I’ve ‘failed’ to go the extra mile in the past, it’s always been because of a lack of time, or because of utter exhaustion.
It’s never been due to lack of effort.
Because I don’t understand how to lack in effort, despite how often my brain accuses me otherwise. I’m pretty much incapable of not doing something if I know I realistically can do the thing.
I’m someone who sees something that needs to be done, and does it.
...In short, I work damned hard.
But when I’ve done things – like, for example, publishing blogposts – which aren’t up to my exceptionally high standards at time of completion, I look back at it and realise that it doesn’t show.
So if it doesn’t make any material negative difference… why am I always trying to put in the maximum?
(I don’t say ‘perfectionism’ because honestly? I’m not striving for perfection. Perfection is a) boring and b) unattainable.
I want the messy, perfectly-imperfect, 'good' results – not the perfect ones.
...Good Lord, imagine how bad I’d be if I was trying to make things perfect!)
Of course it’d be nice to complete my grand ideas for projects and work and blogging and everything else.
In an ideal world, where I had infinite time, budget, and energy, I would.
But I don’t have those things. I have me. At my parents’ dining-room table. Working my petite derrière off, alongside my socks.
And its becoming more and more apparent that the person I’m not ‘good enough’ for is me. I’m my own biggest critic (– and a cliché t’boot.)
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And I’ve realised something – I can do the minimum (or, at least, not the maximum,) without half-a**ing it.
See, where I’ve ‘failed’ to go the extra mile in the past, it’s always been because of a lack of time, or because of utter exhaustion.
It’s never been due to lack of effort.
Because I don’t understand how to lack in effort, despite how often my brain accuses me otherwise. I’m pretty much incapable of not doing something if I know I realistically can do the thing.
I’m someone who sees something that needs to be done, and does it.
...In short, I work damned hard.
But when I’ve done things – like, for example, publishing blogposts – which aren’t up to my exceptionally high standards at time of completion, I look back at it and realise that it doesn’t show.
It doesn’t show that I didn’t have time to add the extra frills.
It doesn’t show that I was too tired to write that extra paragraph or two.
It doesn’t show that I was rushing to finish the blogpost the night before it published (yes, I’m trying to do less of this – but it still happens.)
It would show positively if I did do those things, but doesn't show negatively if I don't.
It doesn’t show that I was too tired to write that extra paragraph or two.
It doesn’t show that I was rushing to finish the blogpost the night before it published (yes, I’m trying to do less of this – but it still happens.)
It would show positively if I did do those things, but doesn't show negatively if I don't.
So if it doesn’t make any material negative difference… why am I always trying to put in the maximum?
(I don’t say ‘perfectionism’ because honestly? I’m not striving for perfection. Perfection is a) boring and b) unattainable.
I want the messy, perfectly-imperfect, 'good' results – not the perfect ones.
...Good Lord, imagine how bad I’d be if I was trying to make things perfect!)
Of course it’d be nice to complete my grand ideas for projects and work and blogging and everything else.
In an ideal world, where I had infinite time, budget, and energy, I would.
But I don’t have those things. I have me. At my parents’ dining-room table. Working my petite derrière off, alongside my socks.
And its becoming more and more apparent that the person I’m not ‘good enough’ for is me. I’m my own biggest critic (– and a cliché t’boot.)
So I’m starting to think – what if I don’t always aim for the maximum?
What if, sometimes, I aim for the minimum instead?
Not in terms of heart or effort, but in terms of the volume and quantity
of what I'm expecting of myself with any given task.
...Then the maximum, if it happens, will be a bonus rather than a
strain.
Because knowing me, if I am able to do more, I will.
Because knowing me, if I am able to do more, I will.
But there’ll be less stress, less berating myself when I haven’t managed
to do it all.
I’ll still be putting my everything into everything! Just, y’know, slightly less volume of it - less expectations and pressures on myself.
I’ll still be putting my everything into everything! Just, y’know, slightly less volume of it - less expectations and pressures on myself.
And I think that’ll be ‘good enough.’ Guess I'll have to wait and see if
my biggest critic agrees.
Nerd Church is going on break next week to make room for my blog
anniversary post (woo!) and will be back on 7th November 2021
Did this post actually make sense? 😅
Do you have overly-high standards like I do?
Have you ever tried aiming for the minimum instead of the
maximum?
Talk to me! 😊💬
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Sharing and commenting gives me confidence in my ramblings! 😅💖
I can relate. I also have unrealistically high standards for myself. I see other people messing up at work or taking time off. I don't hate them for it, but I'd hate myself if I did the same thing. It's weird.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand! My standards for other people are far more understanding and realistic, but somehow when it's myself, it's different.
Delete"But when I’ve done things – like, for example, publishing blogposts – which aren’t up to my exceptionally high standards at time of completion, I look back at it and realise that it doesn’t show."
ReplyDeleteThat happens! When we look at something we've done, sometimes we realise that it's not as "bad" as we thought it was while actually doing it AND being aware that we weren't putting everything into it, whatever the reason. That should be scary...but I choose to see it as comforting. We can't always be at the top of our game, and it's good to know that it doesn't necessarily mean that we're being failures.
I just have to keep reminding myself that! Lol.
DeleteI think you're right, especially when it comes to things that just shouldn't be priorities. Like, maybe in a job you have to do your very best work, but when it comes to a blog? No one is judging you nearly as much as you're judging yourself. And it pays to give yourself boundaries around how much time/effort you will put in because there are really no limits to how much time you can spend on blogging!
ReplyDeleteNicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
I work for myself, so it's pretty much just me judging me whatever and whenever ;) - honestly, it wasn't all that different when I worked in an office; I should've let myself slack off more! ;)
DeleteI do tend to over-work as well. It is killing me being on this hiatus, but I know it's for the best.
ReplyDeleteHa, taking breaks is not something that comes naturally to me, but well done on doing the healthy thing Em! <3 <3 <3
Delete