If you don't know, Caffeinated Current Events (CCE) is where I explain
various stuff in the news whilst under the influence of caffeinated
beverages.
I haven't actually written a CCE post in a while because... 2020. But I felt
like now was the right time to do so because... 2020.
Disclaimer Time: This post is primarily a satirical and snarky
look at the news, intended for entertainmaint and comedy purposes. As
such, hyperbole is likely. You've been warned - don't sue.
This time, I thought I'd take some real-life headlines and explain them
with my own cynically optimistic and optimistically cynical caffeine-hyped
frame of mind.
I'll link to the article each headline comes from so that you can see what
the 'professional' news reporting is like!
'Out of Portland tear gas, an apparition emerges, capturing the imagination of protesters' - Los Angeles Times
Fess up: who had naked chick does yoga in the middle of martial law on
their 2020 bingo cards?
It has to be one of you.
This White chick, wearing nothing but a mask, a stocking cap, and her
birthday suit, decided to... put on a display... in Portland, Oregon,
USA.
Dubbed 'Naked Athena,' (...ok? I guess?) she stood between protesters and
the Federal Trump-squad who were there to
mercilessly crush peaceful protest 'restore order.'
This... bizarre personification of the unpredictability of 2020... then
proceeded to do some ballet and yoga.
She also sat down in the street and spread her legs.
...I can't tell whether that's brave or foolish. Maybe both? Both seems very
2020.
Not everyone is supportive of the Naked Athena though - and I don't just
mean anti-Black-Lives-Matter people.
A lot of people, validly, feel that her actions were distracting from the
protests, and centring the spectacle of a performing White women over the
deaths of Black people.
(I couldn't find any criticisms to link to which weren't behind a pay wall -
lemme know if you know of any!)
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This gif was required. Via Giphy |
Apparently Tucker Carlson is one of the puppets they employ on Fox News
to read out whatever stuff Oscar the Grouch's racist cousin has come up
with.
He got very, very, angry at Elmo's dad for explaining that racism and
prejudice exists.
...It must be a special type of privilege to be angrier at someone for
explaining that racism and prejudice exists, than you are at racism
and prejudice for actually existing.
The internet was around to explain the folly of a grown man fighting with a
puppet, but luckily Elmo's dad was too mature to take the bait anyway.
What, you haven't seen Covid-19 conspiracy theories?! Where have you
been?!
This article is talking about one of the more dangerous theories - that the
US Covid death toll has been artificially inflated so that Trump looks bad.
The danger of this is that, unlike some of the wackier and more tin-foil-hat
type theories, there's just enough truth to give the semblance of credence
to the lie.
But it is a lie.
First off, Trump is perfectly capable of looking bad all on his
lonesome.
Secondly, I personally think the US death tolls are a running on a
conservative estimate - it wouldn't surprise me if the real numbers were a
lot higher.
But that's based on a gut feeling
around Trump's actions towards the CDC, etc.
'Alice Cutter: Ex-Miss Hitler entrant among four 'diehards' jailed for
belonging to banned far-right group' - Sky News
I mean, it's always the people you least expect, isn't it?
Never would have thought that Miss Buchenwald would turn out to be a Nazi.
Such a shock.
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Also, can we talk about how there's apparently a beauty pageant (possibly
several from what I can see... my search history for this post might get me
arrested, #BloggerProblems) called 'Miss Hitler'?!
So, Alice Cutter and her a-hole friends were jailed for being members of
National Action - a group that's on the British list of terrorist
organisations that you aren't legally allowed to be in.
It's like the extremist version of Santa's naughty list - they're some Very.
Bad. People.
'Far-right thugs caught on camera doing disturbing ‘Nazi salutes’ in front of Cenotaph war memorial' - Pink News
(Note: the LGBTQ+ news site Pink News was the only British site I could find
which actually explicitly stated what happened in the headline. I wonder
why...)
Nazis saluting Churchill's statue by the War Memorial in London while
they 'protect' it?
Yes, these maggots crawled out of the woodwork to 'counter-protest' (i.e.
riot against,) the Black Lives Matter protests.
There'd been some controversy over statues of historical figures with
connections to slavery and/or racist policies, with a statue of a Bristol
slaveholder being thrown in the river.
And Churchill had some pretty racist views and policies,
and the statue had been graffiti tagged to read 'Winston Churchill... was a
racist' recently.
That said, I don't think anyone was planning on damaging the statue during
that weekend's protests - although obviously I can't speak for every single
person there.
And the Nazis somehow did not see the irony of Nazi-saluting
Churchill.
Nazi-saluting. Winston Churchill.
How can you not see the irony there?!
Nerd Church is going on break in August, and will be back on
6th September 2020
Do you know of any headlines which more fully sum-up the bizarreness of
2020 so far?
Talk to me! 😎💬
Previous Nerd Church posts:
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I can see why people might have had issues with the Naked Athena picture. I do think the photo could have distracted people from the real issue at hand. But, the photo also says a lot about females doing whatever they want with their bodies and not fearing being overly sexualized, so I guess a good message can come out of it.
ReplyDeleteI think there's arguments for and against - because nothing brings press attention quite as much as a naked chick!
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