Nerd Church - My New Self-Care Strategy

(Warning: this post discusses low self-esteem and Depression)


I have a plan!


My plan is this: to treat myself BETTER than I think I deserve.


'Hang on Cee!' I hear you cry (well, I don't but it's a structural narrative device,) 'What the hell are you talking about?!'

Let's rewind.

I mostly like myself these days. Mostly.

Depression's a b**ch.




But love myself?

No.

I'm a very, very, long way from that point.




So before now, my self-care ethos has been to try and convince myself that I deserve to take care of myself.

...This has had varying success.




My subconscious is a stubborn little so-and-so who clearly thinks I'm not worthy of nice things.

(...even deserving basic things is sometimes a little much.)




While I haven't given up on convincing myself that I'm worth more than the miscellaneous goop on the bottom of my shoe, I've had to get tricksy.

Because self-care is important.

And I have to find a way to get myself to do it.




So my new strategy is this:

To treat myself the way I deserve - by treating myself better than I think I deserve.

And so far, it's working quite well.




It's hot as hell in the UK at the moment (seriously, I'm not impressed - I melt in the heat) so whereas I would normally think:

I'll get a drink after I've finished this task, or after I've worked for X mins more.

Now I'm starting to realise that that was an attempt to get myself to 'earn' what is literally one of the basics of life - hydration.




So now, the mental process goes a little more like this:

I'll get a drink after I've finished this task, or after I've worked for X mins more.

...wait, if I'm thinking about getting a drink, that means I'm thirsty. And if I'm thirsty, I should go and get a drink. I can work afterwards if I want, or even drink it while I'm working.

...But I should get this work done. I've done hardly anything today, really.

Would I tell someone else in this situation that they should go and get a drink? Yes, yes I would.

Right, that's it. I'm treating myself better than I think I deserve, I'm going to get a glass of water.

Yes, that's the kind of process I have to go through sometimes.

...and yes, I literally think the words 'I'm treating myself better than I think I deserve,' because:

a) it's a reminder of the plan, and...

b) it's the first step in my Depressive brain realising that I do deserve things.



And thanks to my doctor upping my meds I can actually go through this process... believe me, without the meds I did not have this level of self-awareness!

I know meds don't work for everyone, but it's also perfectly acceptable to need to lean on them and use them (doctor and legal prescription permitting.)

Meds-shaming sucks, and it shouldn't be a thing - if meds work for you, THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.




Why am I telling you this?

Well, lots of reasons (regular readers will be aware that I'm fundamentally incapable of having just one reason for anything!) but the most important ones are these:

• I'm allowed to say it - it's a difficult thing that I'm doing, and acknowledging that is valid and healthy

• It reminds me to actually carry on with this plan, because so far it's working - obv. if it stops working or I find a better strategy, I'll switch things up

• Other people need to see that it's ok to struggle with this stuff - I know how affective reading the right thing at the right time can be, and it's where the internet excels

If you're struggling with ANYTHING emotionally or mentally my darling nerdlets, PLEASE get help.

There are also suicide prevention and/or mental health helplines you can use if you need them.

And, if you're in the UK or ROI, you can talk to The Samaritans at any time.

You can follow me on Twitter @CeeDoraReads, on Pinterest, and on Dora Reads @ BlogLovin. For more ways to support me, check out the Support Me page





Related Reading:

• Nerd Church - Self-Care Is Vitally Important In Hot Weather

• Nerd Church - The Basics of Self-Care

• Nerd Church - Anxiety: Worrying About Sh** I Don't Actually Care About

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Last updated: 7th September 2019