Nerd Church - Caffeinated Current Events: Dear Lord, the Breakfast (Brexit)

I swear to God. I swear to Iesu Grist. Wtf parliament dudes?! Wtf?!

Breakfast (or, as some people call it, Brexit,) isn't going too well, so I'm hear to explain in a caffeine-fuelled, (hopefully) satirical fashion!

(Note: these are my opinions, you can totally disagree with me, I don't mind.)

Yep, this is another 'Caffeinated Current Events' post - 'cos you lot seemed to like the last one.

(It's a little like Drunk History - only sober and present-day, so... not.)




What's the Breakfast situation? Let me 'splain.


Mrs May (the Prime Minister) came back from Brussels (the EU) with a Brexit deal.

We need a deal on the terms under which we're leaving the EU, because otherwise we face being unable to trade or deal affectively with an entire continent. #Fun.

It wasn't a great deal, but good Lord was it better than anything else the EU's gonna give us due to our decision in 2016 to throw our toys out the ever-loving pram and shoot ourselves in the metaphorical foot.

Via Giphy

So she put the deal to parliament to give the old UK-OK to.

...Only parliament is full of schoolchildren.




Her deal was voted down, partly due to the 'Tory rebels' led by that pr*t Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Maybe one of these days they'll understand the irony of being a Conservative rebel:

"Anarchy in the UK!!!!"
"Alright, but we have to use coasters and be back by tea-time!"
"Of course! We're not *shudders* working-class"

Jacob Rees-Mogg is like a caricature of a Tory.

He's the upper-class twit from every Monty Python sketch, and actually brings his nanny on the campaign trail.

Via Giphy

Not his grandmother - his nanny, like Mary Poppins, only more pathetic. And yes, she's was HIS nanny, as well as his children's.

He's also against women's right to an abortion, and against LGBTQ+ rights.

So now you know what kind of posh toff w**ker we're talking about.




And of course, Labour voted the deal down too, because Corbyn (Labour leader/Lenin wannabe) wants a General Election.

...Because that's something that we TOTALLY HAVE TIME FOR RIGHT NOW *rolls eyes*

And for people who think an election is a good plan at this moment in time, I'll remind you that there's no way in hell Corbyn is gonna get a better deal than May got - and the EU have said so.




So, Mrs May, who has had enough now and just wants to do this sh**, has basically said 'answers on a post-card please.'

Like, I don't like Theresa May's politics - I think she's dismissive af to Wales, when she thinks of us at all, and has the general Tory attitude of putting profits before people - but in this circumstance?

SHE'S THE ONLY F**KING ADULT THERE.




And no-one's gonna get a better deal than she has.

I really respect her for what she's putting up with in this goddamn impossible situation.

And I honestly can't see any other politician saying that she's open to advice from ALL parties, and meeting with all of the party leaders

(...all the ones which would meet with her anyway, which doesn't include Mr Corbyn, who is still throwing toys out of said pram.)





So where does all this leave the UK?

Urm... not in a good place.

The levels of uncertainty are immense. Nobody knows wtf is gonna happen. And essentially the whole country looks like this:

Via Giphy

...and it honestly doesn't look like that's gonna change any time soon!

So... I wanted to make this post more light-hearted, but I honestly can't! Hopefully it's not too much of a downer.

What's your take on all this?

Talk to me! 😅💬

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Related Reading:

• Nerd Church - Hope In The Butt-End of the 2010s (Or, The News Is Always Awful, But We Can Still Smile Sometimes)

• Nerd Church - Caffeinated Current Events: A Glossary

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Last updated: 25th Jan 2019