Nerd Church - Losing Chester

(Warning: this posts contains discussions of suicide – specifically that of Chester Bennington - mental health problems, and grief; it also mentions addiction problems and child sexual abuse.)

First of all guys, if you need help with mental health stuff, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE IN A BAD PLACE RIGHT NOW, there are links to helplines and resources at the end of this post.

You are valuable, you are valid, and we want you here.

The news of the death of Chester Bennington - the lead singer of rock band Linkin Park - was a big and painful shock to his fans.

I cried. And I wasn't the only one.

But people were also a little taken aback by their own reactions to the news.

This comparison thing started to creep into a lot of people's discussions, a metaphorical, 'Why am I acting like this when I didn't personally know him? Especially when I didn't act like this when [person] died, and I knew them.'

Oh my dearest nerdlets, grief doesn't care what you 'should' be feeling. There is no wrong way to grieve.

You feel what you feel. And that's ok.

Linkin Park meant a lot to so many people.

And Chester... that voice, those words, that soul. There is nothing wrong with mourning the passing of a star that shone so brightly in life.

Not only that, but mourning for the loss of what could have been.

He was only 41. He had 6 children. His life was only half lived. There is no shame in tears for such a sad loss of so much potential.

Grief is a funny thing, my darlings, it's so many emotions tied into one that you don't even know which way is up.

If it sounds like I'm struggling to make sense in this post, then it's because I'm struggling to make sense in this post.

This subject is so raw, and so muddled in my little Bookish Rebel brain.

But it was important that I talk to you, my dearest nerdlets, because these things should not be avoided. People with mental health problems are not a dirty little secret.

People who die from suicide are killed by their illness.

Chester Bennington was a beautiful person, and for many of his fans he resembled more than just a person. Many people saw themselves reflected in him and his music.

I don't want to draw too many parallels, as one of the risks with the reporting of celebrity suicides is that those who relate to the person may over-identify, creating a risk of imitation.

That's the last thing I want, and I'm sure the last thing Chester would have wanted.

In this case though, Linkin Park fans already felt a kind of kinship with Chester, and I feel like ignoring that would be even more harmful.

We, as fans, connected with him; so we need to mourn him, and to understand why his death has hit us so hard.

Take the lessons from Chester's life rather than his death.

Create art. Pour your raw feelings into music or words or paint on a page. That is the way to honour him.

Please also understand that Chester Bennington was a complex person. He was not one element, and neither was his death.

The suicide of Chris Cornell (another US rock singer,) hit him hard, yes, but it was NOT the only factor.

To say so (as I've seen a lot of media imply over the last few days,) would be doing both of them a huge disservice.

I'm not going to speculate on the reasons behind Chester's death – he was ill, and the factors behind suicide are usually numerous and complex.

If you were a fan of his music, you probably already understand that his life was full of struggle.

He notably had problems with drugs and alcohol from his teen years – if you have any addiction problems my dear nerdlets, there are helpline directories listed below. PLEASE get help.

• UK drug addiction helplines and organisations directory
• UK alcohol addiction helplines and organisations directory
• USA 24/7 drug and alcohol addiction helpline: 1-888-328-2518
• General international helplines

Chester had also experienced sexual abuse as a child, and sought to help charities which supported survivors. Again, if this is something that affects you, please seek help. This is/was NOT your fault.

• UK child abuse helplines and organisations directory
• UK child abuse survivors helplines and organisations directory
• National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (NAASCA) - actually an international organisation; support/resources available on website.
• General international helplines

If you're struggling with ANYTHING emotionally or mentally my dear nerdlets, PLEASE get help.

There are also suicide prevention and/or mental health helplines you can use.

And, if you're in the UK, you can talk to The Samaritans at any time.

Don't ignore your feelings, and don't feel ashamed of them.

You are important. You matter. And, my dearest nerdlets, I adore you.

For more information on mental health problems, and mental health in general, please take a look at my post 'Nerd Church - Mental Health 101'